I was fairly optimistic about this trip: nine sea days across to Tortola with just six talks might well be the motivating factor to get the stalled book project moving again. Unfortunately I couldn’t get the afternoon ferry to Portsmouth as it was fully booked (end of French school holidays), so that meant getting the red eye after a night in the hotel I hate in Ouistreham. More expense, but the upside was that Paul Stickler had volunteered to taxi me around and put me up the night before boarding in his new house near Salisbury. Oddly the ferry isn’t showing up on the BF website but the chap at the terminal assures me all is well.
So dinner in the nice restaurant Le Channel which has awful reviews on Tripadvisor but I like a lot, and an early night in the Horrid Hotel. But at 10pm my phone pings – a message from Brittany Ferries to say (a) the ferry next morning is cancelled, (b) the office is closed, and (c) there’s nothing I can do about it. So hundreds of people will turn up tomorrow morning trying to get a crossing. I realise that I’d better get to the front of that queue, so I get dressed again and go over to the terminal where I wait impatiently behind a group of four young Chinese women who need to photograph each other talking to the chap behind the counter. When I get to him, he advises me that if I can be back within 30 minutes he’ll put me on the overnight ferry leaving at 1130pm. I persuade him to throw in a free cabin as well, so hoof it back to the hotel and return in time, albeit very hot and bothered, not least because the woman at the hotel reception insisted I wait while she checked I’d paid my bill in full. TOPS expresses her concern about my blood pressure and the fact I’d forgotten to pack some of my meds, but Stickler, bless him, says he’ll collect me in the morning.
Which he did, and took me to his gaff and showed me how to work his posh TV as he and Jo had an engagement that afternoon somewhere near Portsmouth – so he’d changed his plans to accommodate me. That evening the three of us had an excellent curry after a rather long and scary drive in pitch darkness, and I insisted on paying. It’s a lot cheaper in France.
Very fast boarding next day – I’m in the usual cabin stateroom within 15 minutes of being dropped off, and the letter is there from the Ents team which is good. Not so good is that I’m down to do only three talks. I raise this at the sound check but am advised the theatre is chocker – bit disappointing when I’ve revised six. C’est la vie.
And then, a big surprise…I bump into a mate I haven’t seen for 7 years – last time was in/on the Suez canal – the classical guitarist Andreas Moutsioulis. He’s working a lot on the ships now – that Suez trip was his first. The other speakers are an astrophysicist (as usual), a transport expert and a retired customs officer talking about his experiences with smugglers especially where they hide their contraband. Celeb is Annabel Croft. The other speakers are staying on for all the islands while Andreas and I are being turfed off in St Kitts. And the customs officer says he’s a criminologist with an interest in unsolved murders.
My first talk is OK with the theatre about three quarters full, about the same as the other speakers and the trip passes rather slowly although I do get a little bit of work done. Andreas doesn’t tolerate isolation or silence which is a bit surprising but there was a gang of us last time – and he’s very Greek these days. He’s a bit fed up with the voyage as they’ve put all his concerts in the Queen’s Room which is something of a thoroughfare and lots of people walk past noisily while he’s playing.
For once I go to an evening show – an Armenian comedy pianist who’s a cross between Victor Borge and Les Dawson. Quite funny really. However most of the time I’m in the Commodore Club or the Chart Room in the evenings – yet again waiters remember me and what I drink from earlier voyages, which is spooky but interesting from a cognitive psychologist’s perspective. Second celeb speaker is Nicki Chapman – I’ve no idea who she is but she greeted me very courteously when I preceded her on stage which is unusual for a celeb speaker – lots of them are well up where the customs bloke talks about.
Overall then an uneventful crossing but it was nice to have a drink in Pussers in Tortola – I wore one of their shirts so they were very pleased. I bought a Fabergé pendant on the ship for TOPS for her big birthday next year but I couldn’t persuade them to give me a discount. Off at St Kitts and a very Caribbean taxi ride to the airport – the driver kept one hand on the horn and one foot on the floor while shouting abuse at everyone. Great fun. Back at CDG at five in the morning so I was able to get an early train back and present TOPS with her gift. Queen Victoria across the Atlantic. Tick. As I’ve said before, someone has to do it.
thehairypsychologist 